To clarify something from my last journal entry, Brett did try to call prior to me writing that. The 17th to be exact. However it was not me being an asshole, because I just got the voicemail yesterday. My phone does that from time to time. So I was wrong on both counts. Just wanted to lay the facts out there. This changes nothing about the way I feel.
I want to give a big shout out to Mike who has been leaving some very wonderful comments on some of my posts. I have added him to the links section, so if you don't know him, stop on by and read what he has to say. Mike, I hope to see you and Mary soon. I miss you guys!!!!!!!
After watching the Erasure video from my last post, I find myself asking the question "what the hell is the lead singer wearing???" Now I am sure that question has been asked many times when it come to the subject of 80's apparel. It looks like he is wearing a mini skirt and tights, does it not?? Big queer bastard, ha ha ha.
Lexy, I was saddened to hear about the crap going on with you right now. That sucks hardcore!! I'm sure things will work out in the end. I love you lots, and am rooting for you!
Today's video is not only a celebration of a great song, but a celebration of one of the best Brat Pack movies.
John Parr - Man In Motion (St. Elmo's Fire)
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Whats on my mind
Well, right now there are several things on my mind. None of them are particularly important, but I just feel like writing.
First of all, there is something I have been wanting to make mention of for a while now. Everyone I have talked to has given me the same advice, which is to just let it go and not say anything. I can't do that. As most of you know by now, Brett moved to Columbia recently. Even though we don't speak anymore (which is just as much my fault as it is his), I saw this as a good move for him, and a smart one at that since he works up there and gas is not exactly cheap. What I did not like was the fact that he called none of his friends to let them know. Apparently he tried calling me a couple of weeks ago to tell me about it. I doubt this since I have not spoken to him since well before I went to Colorado. Maybe he did, and I was being a bitch and did not answer my phone, who knows. It is certainly possible. Brett, whatever happened to our friendship, I will always care about you. You were my best friend for several years, and I will never forget that. I would still like to hear from you every once in a while, and I don't hate you, but what you did really fucking sucks! BIG TIME!
On to more pleasant things. I fell yesterday and hurt my leg. I peeled the skin off in a few places and now I have a really yucky looking bruise. The pain has eased up a little, which is a good thing. I have always had such a graceful manner.
I have not discussed Tony on here for a while, so here is an update on that. Nothing has changed really. He is on a new series of chemo, which is not as devastating as the first. His hair is growing back in, black instead of brown which I find kinda funny. The prognosis I think is still the same, so it is just a matter of time. How long remains unknown. If the doctors best case senario plays out, he may live to welcome 2008. They are planning on doing more scans soon, so we may have an update in the weeks to follow. I will keep you posted.
I am really uncomfortable in the fact that I have gained some weight. While I have already halted the spread of the unwanted pounds and lost some it, it makes me uncomfortable how easy it is to gain weight. Fucking ice cream!!!
This cracks me up!!!
EAT SHIT JESSICA!!!
I am thinking about maybe going to see Elton John next month in Columbia. Maybe not. Is that too gay?? I don't even like Elton John that well, at least not well enough to spend big bucks on a ticket. I really do want to go to a good concert soon. I would have enjoyed Alice Cooper at the State Fair, but alas it did not happen even though I had someone who would have went with me. Thanks for the offer Lexy! I have decided that next year I (and anyone else who would like to come along) am going to the State Fair, stumble around drunk all afternoon, then go to the concert that night. Maybe I will get really drunk and fall head first over the railing into one of the livestock exhibits and get a mouthful of shit! Fun times! You would not want to miss that would you??
I guess that is all I have for now. I will leave you with your little piece of 80's goodness. Talk with you all soon.
Erasure - Oh Lamour
First of all, there is something I have been wanting to make mention of for a while now. Everyone I have talked to has given me the same advice, which is to just let it go and not say anything. I can't do that. As most of you know by now, Brett moved to Columbia recently. Even though we don't speak anymore (which is just as much my fault as it is his), I saw this as a good move for him, and a smart one at that since he works up there and gas is not exactly cheap. What I did not like was the fact that he called none of his friends to let them know. Apparently he tried calling me a couple of weeks ago to tell me about it. I doubt this since I have not spoken to him since well before I went to Colorado. Maybe he did, and I was being a bitch and did not answer my phone, who knows. It is certainly possible. Brett, whatever happened to our friendship, I will always care about you. You were my best friend for several years, and I will never forget that. I would still like to hear from you every once in a while, and I don't hate you, but what you did really fucking sucks! BIG TIME!
On to more pleasant things. I fell yesterday and hurt my leg. I peeled the skin off in a few places and now I have a really yucky looking bruise. The pain has eased up a little, which is a good thing. I have always had such a graceful manner.
I have not discussed Tony on here for a while, so here is an update on that. Nothing has changed really. He is on a new series of chemo, which is not as devastating as the first. His hair is growing back in, black instead of brown which I find kinda funny. The prognosis I think is still the same, so it is just a matter of time. How long remains unknown. If the doctors best case senario plays out, he may live to welcome 2008. They are planning on doing more scans soon, so we may have an update in the weeks to follow. I will keep you posted.
I am really uncomfortable in the fact that I have gained some weight. While I have already halted the spread of the unwanted pounds and lost some it, it makes me uncomfortable how easy it is to gain weight. Fucking ice cream!!!
This cracks me up!!!
EAT SHIT JESSICA!!!
I am thinking about maybe going to see Elton John next month in Columbia. Maybe not. Is that too gay?? I don't even like Elton John that well, at least not well enough to spend big bucks on a ticket. I really do want to go to a good concert soon. I would have enjoyed Alice Cooper at the State Fair, but alas it did not happen even though I had someone who would have went with me. Thanks for the offer Lexy! I have decided that next year I (and anyone else who would like to come along) am going to the State Fair, stumble around drunk all afternoon, then go to the concert that night. Maybe I will get really drunk and fall head first over the railing into one of the livestock exhibits and get a mouthful of shit! Fun times! You would not want to miss that would you??
I guess that is all I have for now. I will leave you with your little piece of 80's goodness. Talk with you all soon.
Erasure - Oh Lamour
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Take me out to the movies
It takes an act of congress to get me into a movie theater these days, simply because there has not been a movie released for quite some time I have wanted to see. I did see Transformers, and I did enjoy it a lot, but it was Kody's prompting that got me to go. Before that, I don't remember the last movie I saw in the theater.
That is all about to change.
I have been hearing about this movie called Hatchet, which is supposed to be the triumphant return of the good old slasher movie. While supposedly being scary, it is also priding itself on being quite funny. It did very well at the Tribeca Film Festivle, and has been getting some good reviews. They also managed to gather some horror icons in Robert Englund, Tony Todd, and Kane Hodder (better known as Freddy Kruger, The Candyman, and Jason Vorhees) for the film.
Then of course, there is the issue of Halloween. I have blogged about this before, but now that it is getting so close, I thought I would mention it again. Of course I must go see it. Halloween is my favorite horror movie of all time! I am still struggling with this remake/reinvention/whatever the fuck you call it. But, like Kody told me, "you will either love it or hate it." This is true, but I can tell you right now that Rob Zombie (gag) will always play second string to what was done right the first time!
Later this year I will most likely go see The Golden Compass. I liked the book when I was younger, and the trailer looks pretty good, even if the very beginning leaves it with some rather large shoes to fill (which it unfortunately can't do). Nonetheless, it looks enjoyable.
I am intrigued with this movie, which to my knowledge still has no title. I saw the trailer at the theater before Transformers, and have been wondering ever since.
A little father down the road we have Diary of the Dead. Now, I am a BIG zombie fan, which makes Mr. George A. Romero one of my heroes. I loved Night, Dawn, and Day. Land was ok, but lets just say it was far from my favorite. Now we have this new one. I am going to keep an open mind here, even though it is supposed to happen parallel to Night of the Living Dead, yet set in mordern times which I find confusing. Anyway, when it comes out I will certanily sample it. No preview yet, but here is an interview with Mr. Romero.
Ok, last but not least, here is your dose of 80's bliss for the day!!!
Tpau - Heart And Soul
That is all about to change.
I have been hearing about this movie called Hatchet, which is supposed to be the triumphant return of the good old slasher movie. While supposedly being scary, it is also priding itself on being quite funny. It did very well at the Tribeca Film Festivle, and has been getting some good reviews. They also managed to gather some horror icons in Robert Englund, Tony Todd, and Kane Hodder (better known as Freddy Kruger, The Candyman, and Jason Vorhees) for the film.
Then of course, there is the issue of Halloween. I have blogged about this before, but now that it is getting so close, I thought I would mention it again. Of course I must go see it. Halloween is my favorite horror movie of all time! I am still struggling with this remake/reinvention/whatever the fuck you call it. But, like Kody told me, "you will either love it or hate it." This is true, but I can tell you right now that Rob Zombie (gag) will always play second string to what was done right the first time!
Later this year I will most likely go see The Golden Compass. I liked the book when I was younger, and the trailer looks pretty good, even if the very beginning leaves it with some rather large shoes to fill (which it unfortunately can't do). Nonetheless, it looks enjoyable.
I am intrigued with this movie, which to my knowledge still has no title. I saw the trailer at the theater before Transformers, and have been wondering ever since.
A little father down the road we have Diary of the Dead. Now, I am a BIG zombie fan, which makes Mr. George A. Romero one of my heroes. I loved Night, Dawn, and Day. Land was ok, but lets just say it was far from my favorite. Now we have this new one. I am going to keep an open mind here, even though it is supposed to happen parallel to Night of the Living Dead, yet set in mordern times which I find confusing. Anyway, when it comes out I will certanily sample it. No preview yet, but here is an interview with Mr. Romero.
Ok, last but not least, here is your dose of 80's bliss for the day!!!
Tpau - Heart And Soul
Monday, August 13, 2007
Remember when..
Lita Ford - Kiss Me Deadly
So, I am coming out of one of my countless solitary phases. I experience them from time to time, a stretch where I feel this deep need to be alone and to separate myself from people. This time it lasted a couple of weeks. I almost always use these to think, to evaluate, and to remember.
This time around I discovered a soundtrack to my life, and how I have always used different music to express different moods. I am not going to go into detail as it is somehow very personal to me. I also spent time evaluating family and friends. I made some decisions that really needed closure, as they were bothering me even though I acted very nonchalant about it.
I often feel unwanted, and feel like people don't really want me around. I have always dealt with this. I gave this some consideration, and I think it all boils down to my lack of self esteem. This is something I usually think about and something I have wanted to fix for a long time. I wish it were as easy as it reads here. Perhaps I will struggle with this forever. Perhaps I will always be waiting for my family and friends to leave.
I thought about music alot, not only the way I use it to express myself when I don't know what to say or do, but just music as I have experienced it. You know I love the 80's with a passion, but why does it stop there? Of course there is music I enjoy now, but not to the same level as the music of my early childhood. Could it be that music died with the birth of Seattle grunge? I hated this period of the early and mid 90's. The only exception here is The Smashing Pumpkins. They get the honor of being the ONLY group that I have loved this side of 1989. After grunge died, it was the late 90's that brought back pop. However it was truly gruesome, teenie bopper bullshit that made me want to rip my eyeballs out and eat them. the 2000's have brought us a lot of different stuff. Some of it has been good, some of it has been bad. To me, none of it has been great. How sad.
I am off to my Mom's house for dinner and a movie.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
It's a little too hot!
Yeah, it's really a little too hot!
I was helping my cousin Tina move last week, and by the time I got home, I was sick. Nausea, dizziness, and fatigue along with the weird sensation that all the muscles in my face were very heavy sums it up pretty well. I thought about asking Kody to drive me to the hospital right before I passed out. I think I was suffering from heat exhaustion. At any rate, it was a little scary at the time. However, now it seems like every time I go outside into that fucking blast furnace I start feeling sick almost instantly with a headache and an uneasy stomach. Makes it hard to have a smoke, and really hard to get in the car after it has been sitting all day.
I have decided to include a fun music video with each journal entry from now on. Just a quick word of caution, most of them will be from the 80's cause that's the way I roll bitches!
Dire Straits - So Far Away
I guess that's all for now.
Ryan
I was helping my cousin Tina move last week, and by the time I got home, I was sick. Nausea, dizziness, and fatigue along with the weird sensation that all the muscles in my face were very heavy sums it up pretty well. I thought about asking Kody to drive me to the hospital right before I passed out. I think I was suffering from heat exhaustion. At any rate, it was a little scary at the time. However, now it seems like every time I go outside into that fucking blast furnace I start feeling sick almost instantly with a headache and an uneasy stomach. Makes it hard to have a smoke, and really hard to get in the car after it has been sitting all day.
I have decided to include a fun music video with each journal entry from now on. Just a quick word of caution, most of them will be from the 80's cause that's the way I roll bitches!
Dire Straits - So Far Away
I guess that's all for now.
Ryan
Thursday, July 19, 2007
A randon spray of this and that.
I know this is just so terribly 80's you could all shit, but this is for Kim. The words of the song do a pretty good job of telling her what I couldn't the morning I left without getting choked up.
I am proud of myself! I saved the tears for the car!
Speaking of my trip, I guess I should tell you all how it went.
I had a great time! The trip out there was typical. It took a lot longer than normal to get there, which kinda sucked. The time that I was there however was fantastic. Kim and Nick always do such a wonderful job of making me feel welcome in their home. I love and miss you guys so much, and can't wait to see you again! The week went by much to fast for me. Sara's wedding was beautiful, and everything went off (for the most part) without a hitch. The trip home was not the greatest. I drove with a hangover, which is never good. The car charger for my cell phone took a shit, and seeing how I was relying solely on it I was without a cell phone for the trip home, which really pissed me off. I cried off and on for like the first 5 hours of the trip, which did nothing for said hangover. I left around 10:30am Saturday morning, and arrived home at 5:00am Sunday morning. That is not good time by any stretch of the imagination.
An acquaintance of mine put in their notice at their job a few days ago. Curious as to what their plans were, I asked. They plan not only to live off welfare, but intend to sell drugs for extra money. All I could do was walk away. Words fail me.
Here's something I find particularly funny.
Micheala, I am sorry I did not call you on your birthday! I did not forget sweetie, just have way to much shit on my mind right now. I know that is not an excuse, so feel free to call me a huge butthead. I love you, and can't wait to take a ride with you.
I am smoking again for anyone who did not know. It started innocently enough, vowing to only smoke when I drank. Yeah that worked like a charm. So now I face the task of quitting once again. I am quite excited.
I guess I don't have anything else to talk about. Talk at ya later!
I am proud of myself! I saved the tears for the car!
Speaking of my trip, I guess I should tell you all how it went.
I had a great time! The trip out there was typical. It took a lot longer than normal to get there, which kinda sucked. The time that I was there however was fantastic. Kim and Nick always do such a wonderful job of making me feel welcome in their home. I love and miss you guys so much, and can't wait to see you again! The week went by much to fast for me. Sara's wedding was beautiful, and everything went off (for the most part) without a hitch. The trip home was not the greatest. I drove with a hangover, which is never good. The car charger for my cell phone took a shit, and seeing how I was relying solely on it I was without a cell phone for the trip home, which really pissed me off. I cried off and on for like the first 5 hours of the trip, which did nothing for said hangover. I left around 10:30am Saturday morning, and arrived home at 5:00am Sunday morning. That is not good time by any stretch of the imagination.
An acquaintance of mine put in their notice at their job a few days ago. Curious as to what their plans were, I asked. They plan not only to live off welfare, but intend to sell drugs for extra money. All I could do was walk away. Words fail me.
Here's something I find particularly funny.
Micheala, I am sorry I did not call you on your birthday! I did not forget sweetie, just have way to much shit on my mind right now. I know that is not an excuse, so feel free to call me a huge butthead. I love you, and can't wait to take a ride with you.
I am smoking again for anyone who did not know. It started innocently enough, vowing to only smoke when I drank. Yeah that worked like a charm. So now I face the task of quitting once again. I am quite excited.
I guess I don't have anything else to talk about. Talk at ya later!
Thursday, July 5, 2007
A few things before I hit the road....
I am leaving in the morning. I am still not all the way packed, which sucks really bad because I wanted to get everything packed and in the car tonight so in the morning it would be a quick shower and off we go. Maybe it will still work out that way.
I went to my dad's house today, and unfortunately had to deal with my stepmothers family. They are super religious, and felt the need to look down at me as they always do because 1 I don't go to church and 2 I am gay. They look at me like a bug, and have told me that I am a godless sinner for being a homosexual. If getting into heaven meant swallowing that bullshit then I would just as soon burn in hell. So fuck them and every other member of the Assembly of God faith for judging me. Hell will be so cozy with you there to keep me company.
Well, I will talk to you all in 2 weeks!!!!
Ryan
I went to my dad's house today, and unfortunately had to deal with my stepmothers family. They are super religious, and felt the need to look down at me as they always do because 1 I don't go to church and 2 I am gay. They look at me like a bug, and have told me that I am a godless sinner for being a homosexual. If getting into heaven meant swallowing that bullshit then I would just as soon burn in hell. So fuck them and every other member of the Assembly of God faith for judging me. Hell will be so cozy with you there to keep me company.
Well, I will talk to you all in 2 weeks!!!!
Ryan
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